September 5, 2009

Is it wrong to fool around with a boyfriend/girlfriend?

From the guestbook: Sarah writes:
message: Is it wrong to ful around with a boyfriend/girlfriend?…
…please send this e-mail to me at the most of 2 days after you
get this,cause i really need to know!!
Sex before marriage is considered a serious sin by most Christian
churches. In this case, we should consider premarital sex as including
the marriage act (sexual intercourse) as well as what is usually called
foreplay, which would include your specific question. It is called this
because it occurs beFORE “having sex.” It leads to it, and so is a
problem if you are going to wait until marriage.

Sometimes we refer to “genital” sexual expression, which means touching
each other in the “bathing suit” areas. This is a bad idea if you
want to wait for marriage, because it will make it far more difficult
to wait.

Dating is a time to get to know people better, and sex gets in the way.
Once you start “fooling around,” there is less conversation and you
lose the ability to tell if this person is able to be a good husband or

Remember that a husband will have to control himself in marriage
anyway, like after childbirth, when you are sick, or when he is
traveling. If a guy can’t do without sexual pleasure while dating,
he will look elsewhere for sex when you aren’t available. If a guy
pressures you for sex acts or even for immodest behavior, it means
he isn’t good husband material.

God gave us sex for a purpose. In marriage, it strengthens the love
of the husband and wife, and sometimes allows them to share in
God’s work of creation by conceiving a new person. It is also an
expression of love and commitment between husband and wife and
symbolizes their becoming “one flesh.”

In addition to this, the husband is supposed to guard his wife’s
purity. If a guy is trying to get you to do things that make you feel
guilty or dirty, he must not love you. Guys will say “if you love
me, prove it by…” No Christian man must ever say this. It is a
proof to you that he is not good enough for you. He is using you,
not loving you. You can rightly tell a boyfriend, “If you love
me, prove it by waiting for marriage.” Real love needs no proof, though.

I can tell you personally, that my wife waited, and she got a faithful
husband. I’m not claiming perfection, but Carol is very loved
and fulfilled. You can e-mail her if you would like to get her ideas
on this (put “Carol” in the subject).

You are very much loved by God, and He wants to protect you from harm.
Remember that some guys also beat their girlfriends, especially guys
that pressure them for sex. A Greek philosopher once said (something like)
“a man that will not respect the temple will not respect other things.”
In the same say, if a guy won’t wait (and respect the temple of your body),
don’t think he will respect marriage vows, your children or your health.
There are men that reform, and there are always exceptions. Some people win
the lottery, too, but most players lose their money.

I very much hope this helps you. I will pray for you. It is very important
to read the Bible, especially the Gospels. I especially recommend
Ephesians and Colossians to you.

Please let me know if I have not given you a clear answer, or if
you need more info. Another good idea is to share this letter with
someone you trust: a parent, aunt, pastor or teacher whom you
admire. If you don’t have anyone like this, call your local Catholic
Church, ask make an appointment with a priest and tell him you
are calling on my recommendation. Show him this letter and he will
try to help. I am depending on God’s Grace to enable him to represent Jesus
Christ faithfully.

Above all, pray constantly. Read some good books, like:
“Hinds’ Feet on High Places,” by Hannah Hurnard
“Mere Christianity,” by C. S. Lewis
“Life of Christ,” by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

Helpful links (not that we agree with everything they say…):

I care very much about you, because God loves you. Please pray for
the guidance of the Holy Spirit. You are too valuable to be wasted
on a boyfriend out for his own pleasure. A good boyfriend will
understand why you want to avoid sexual pleasure before marriage.

May you be blessed, and filled with God’s own Joy.

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