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September 5, 2009

Please Finish the Work

When you found me,


You took my words


And body


And intellect


And recreated them.


I am grateful.


Then you saw the anger,


The love of things,


The use of people.


You took these, too,


And gave me a kind of peace.


I am grateful.


But now you have come


To my pure heart


That loves you,


And I am surprised


Because you say it does not.


Instead, you have found it


Surrounded by envy,


Vanity, jealousy and anger.


When you cut through these,


Pride flowed out


And my disease was exposed.


Now I am here


With my heart open


But not healed.


I cannot bear my own stench


And I cannot


Put everything back


And pretend to be well


Because I have seen my guts


And I cannot bear it.


I cannot live like this,


And I cannot go back.


Please finish the work


You have begun.


I can go nowhere else


And no one else can help me.


My heart is breaking


With disgust and revulsion


At my own wretchedness.


Pity me, Lord Jesus


Son of David.


William E. Rushman, September 1997

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