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September 22, 2009

Raw Material

Lord,


I’m raw material.


I could be made into something useful,


even wonderful.


But, as it is,


I’m full of impurities


and I cling to them


so that they persist


in spite of your cross


and their bad consequences


in my life.


I long to see your face


but I will be ashamed


because I have done


nothing with all you have given me,


even after you have loved me so much.


I have sought earthly help


from your ministers,


but they refuse to take me seriously.


they pat me on the head


and tell me to be content and pray.


I pray


and my heart is breaking


because it cannot rise higher


being so heavy with sin


or with desires for sinful things.


It is not so much guilt over sin


as frustration.


I have seen saints


rise very high.


Married ones,


single ones,


some farmers,


some priests.


Why must I lie here


in rags and sores,


hearing of a Glory


my own will refuses me?


My God,


please send someone


to release my heart


and train me in holiness.


My God, my God,


please


do not abandon me.


William E. Rushman, October 1997

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